Sunday, January 23, 2005
This would be a very short entry for now....once I have settled my life, I am to write everything.
As for now all can say is that God gave me the most wonderful gift. I'm gonna be a mom soon! Now, ain't it great? Only if things we're different...I'd be the happiest girl....But since the circumstances are quite different.....I have to do a lot of considerations....a lot of thinking and a lot of decisions to make. Now is the time of my life that I needed my friends the most...*sighs*
I am really not yet ready for all of this.....
Posted at 12:28 pm by ~blossom~
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004
time and again, whenever I start writing here..all i could think of is love. Is it because I know what love is all about or is it because I only thought I knew ---but the truth is I really don't. (?) When I read articles about love, so many things come to me...realizations...sometimes painful realizations. And up till now, I'm still striving to really really understand it. I have learned from some readings that when you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exacltly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to even pretend to. And yet this is exactly what we demand. we have so little faith in the flow of life, of love and of relationships. We are afraid it will never return when trials faces us. so we insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as well as in love is in growth - in freedom.the only real security is not in owning or possesing, not in demanding or expecting,not in hoping even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.
"RELATIONSHIPS MUST BE LIKE ISLANDS, ONE MUST ACCEPT THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE HERE AND NOW, WITHIN THEIR LIMITS - ISLANDS, SURROUNDED AND INTERRUPTED BY THE SEA, AND CONTINUALLY VISITED AND ABANDONED BY THE TIDES."
Posted at 12:56 pm by ~blossom~
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Friday, September 24, 2004
If people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never
tied to anybody who left. The bible said that, "...they came out from
us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they
been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1John 2:19]..."
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are
not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are bad people. It just means that their
part in your story is over. And you've got to know when other people's
part in your story is over... so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the
tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful,
it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have
He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your
worth...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT GO!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ... LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level
in Him... LET IT GO!!!>br>
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET IT
GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves...LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed.... LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need
to... LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new
thing everyday!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left... think about it,
and then LET IT GO!!! "The Battle is the Lord's!"
>*oh so true and yet so hard.*
Posted at 12:52 pm by ~blossom~
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
I was grilled during lunch by my office friends:
***so when r u getting married? Is he ever planning to marry you?
***still not committed? Oh my! 3 years ! r u just playing games w/ each other?
***we’re just concerned about you, you know, ur not getting any younger, get a life!
***you’ve been kiss dating him for nothing?
***are you still waiting / hoping for your ex to come back?
My ears burned like hell! Is it my fault I never fall for the right one at the right time?
Will they ever understand me? They can never relate because they’re all married now…and to them
being single on your mid twenties is like a crime. Grrrr…I cant’ forever defend myself.
I think I just have to deal with whatever they say….and let it pass.
As long as I do what makes me happy..i’ll never stop on taking chances.
I am a hopeful single woman who will always believe in love.
Posted at 05:16 pm by ~blossom~
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
I have sunburn in September! First time for me, used to have sunburns on summer days but September..this gotta be the first...forgot to bring along sunblock..as I didn't expect I'll be burned down by the sun when I went w/ friends on the beach this weekend. T'was fun short vaca'......got drank on the beach..got totally wasted....tnx to the one special person who took care of me.. I don't mind getting drunk again if I'm with him. I don't want to elaborate on the happenings....but it was one special event in my life...can't wait next year for our planned bora trip....I just hope things would never change between us....I promised myself not to touch on sentimental topics on these entry..but seems I can't help it.
Whatever things I write, it all boils down to love...not until he tells me he loves me..I guess I wouldn't be that completely happy...(and I was campaigning for unconditional love huh!)
Fate is really testing me...while I was having fun in the sand, Miguel, an old love was texting me , if I can still accept him, this time for real (not marriage!) but a relationship w/ the commitment he wasn't able to give me before. WHY? why only now? why only now that I am rooting for somebody else...who at this point can't give in totally to me...a year ago, I would have jumped w/ joy if Miguel told me that...but now it made me sad coz it's too late.....and I wondered..would this present guy would love me back when I need it no more? love at the wrong time...that is. *sighs heavily*
Posted at 01:27 pm by ~blossom~
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Friday, August 20, 2004
"Give me what you can and not what I want" the exact words damon told me. It's the nicest words a guy has ever told me. Not even one of my past loves & present love has told me that. Only him, whom I cannot love back. If only....
If only...2 words I kept repeating in my head for almost an hour while staring at a blank wall..then it hit me, my present love is giving me what he can & not what I want. Oh! It's so tricky how life could get sometimes, huh!
So, I think I would just have to accept things as they are right now & quit expecting too much. As they say when you love, just love ...without expectations.
I don't know----but I just have to hang on....
Now again ------if only.
Posted at 08:30 am by ~blossom~
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Friday, August 06, 2004
Sometimes it is inevitable to break somebody's heart. As much as I want to avoid it, as I've been there before, I have no choice but hurt a person who was willing to offer his heart for me. BUt it seems I can't force myself to like him back because my heart belongs to somebody else now. That somebody may not love me as I want him to, but he is the one who can make me happy.
One of life's ironies, the love you so wanted is being offered by somebody you can't learn to love. So how do you deal with that?
Posted at 01:05 pm by ~blossom~
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Monday, August 02, 2004
What do you do when men can't commit? You can jump ship at the first sign of panic and save yourself the heartache of attachment and endless tears, or you can just sit there on the turbulent seas of his indecisiveness hanging on for dear life and praying that you don't get tossed overboard before you find his emotional life persever....but hey! realistically speaking, WHY BOTHER???? I read that article, and I could almost agree, yeah, why really bother? I've come across two men who can't commit. Lucky me!!! huh.The first one, was claiming he's on crossroads and doesn't really know what to do with his life. So he broke up with me coz I was this fragile girl who may not be able to cope with him. (Men! I'm strong enough, had you given me the chance.) The second one, well he definitely knows what he wants to do with his life and I guess, I'm not part of it.(that's the saddest part)
By wanting committment it is not like asking for marriage or a horse drawn carriage--or envisioning children. It's only a respect to the girl (you're screwing). hello!! it's just having a relationship until you both decide if it should end or continue.
I don't know, guess I just wasn't that lucky finding my "white knight". yet....
Posted at 09:05 am by ~blossom~
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
it took me along time to blog again, my mind just seem to be drifting for weeks now, and i don't know how to express myself..i just dwelled on my thoughts and fears. and end up in fantasy land if not on memory lane. i know it's not a good way of living life. That's why I decided not to write for a while, was kinda hoping for a happy day to come so I can write interesting stuff other than my confusions in life. but hey! life could be cruel sometimes, one moment I thought everything was working just fine and then with just a blink of an eye, it's gone. hope was just swept away. so here I am trying to work things out again...
Posted at 12:53 pm by ~blossom~
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Tuesday, July 06, 2004
my work requires me to talk directly to the officers of our company as I am handling the budget. this morning as I went to discuss the performance of Mktg. dep't., the VP ( a canadian guy) told me. " you know what you're lucky!".I said thank you sir, but why? he replies, " you don't have a personality of an accountant ".he was beaming at me then. It puzzled me, coz I don't know if he meant it as a compliment or what. But since he said I was lucky I took it as a positive comment. And before I left his office, I turned back and asked him " sir, i don't mean to push my luck, but what kind of personality do you think I have if not of an accountant?". By that, he laughed and told me he's gonna tell me one day. duh! now I'm thinking if I am in my right job, or was he thinking that I'll be better off as a saleslady or something. blah blah blah...
Posted at 12:52 pm by ~blossom~
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